Within the last 2 months.... lost job, had apartment and personal possessions trashed, lost relationship, gave $2k to the IRS, got bronchitis, a/c + heat in car broke, broke kindle, yesterday I had the most unbelievable panic attack to date, and just today found out someone stole $700 off my debit card. Awesome.

Understand why I may cry more, talk less, quote Buddha more and wear makeup less. I cannot give a shit about anything besides my own happiness. Be gentle with me friends, as you have been <3

Best Parts about being Single

• Not having to shave
• Watching whatever the fuck I want 
• Going to bed whenever the fuck I want
• No bitching
• Not worrying about someone else's happiness
• Not worrying about someone else fucking up
• Eating whatever the fuck I want
• Talking to my cats, because fuck you
• Licking the plate
• Farting
• Tweezing my eyebrows on the couch
• Eating cheese on the couch while wearing a snuggy (thx Liz Lemon!)
• Impromptu hang outs with friends
• No bitching
• Time to study and learn and read 
• Eating olives directly out of the jar
• Total A/C control
• Making out with random strangers, because why not?
• Taking up the ENTIRE bed and covers
• No bitching
• It's just EASIER!

Thinking life is one way
eliminates the chance that
it can be different

Letting thoughts flow
through pen
pencil
keyboard
veins
Onto the canvas of
paper
screen
mind
As it realizes it's own devices.
A never-ending hail of tumultuous theories
Half-realized epiphanies of a true self or
A martyr masquerading as the lost
(more oft I think it is those who are lost that masquerade as martyrs)
Thoughts once flown are hardly quelled
As the ink is wet, the screen is filled, and
A mind unleashed is a mind chaotic and free.

Down into the sea of Earth
I am afraid.
I am afraid of things that are afraid of me.
Mind, body, conscience, youth,
Love.
I wear a key around my neck,
Trapped in string.
A key from the journal of a six year old me-
It won't come off.
Up into the sea of space.
I am afraid.
I am afraid of things that are afraid of me.
Thought, obsession, morality, mortality,
Love.
I wear a gold ring around my finger
Trapped in flesh.
Relics from a life lived but not remembered-
Of love never had, yet still lost.

awaiting solace...if it will ever come

Will I ever get the life I want?