We all want to believe that by being hard on ourselves, we will somehow become a better person. In reality, I think this synthesis is incorrect, as it is only our own self love that we can depend on. If we rush, pressure and struggle with ourselves, who will be there to comfort, reassure and stop us? No one.

If we're looking to be entirely self sufficient beings, we must be gentle with ourselves. If we are looking to not rely on the support and love of another (as we never should), we should be that support and reliance for ourselves (what we are looking so desperately for existed in us all along).

We are good at hurting ourselves, if at nothing else. But we do this in such a way that we are really only crying out for love- a savior. Someone else to answer our questions.

No such person exists. No one can answer our questions better than ourselves.

Things are funny, they make us laugh, yet they are delusions of pieces we are missing.

Do we really know how to care for ourselves? Or in such cases of solitude, do we purposely believe/make ourselves be "a mess" so that we garner attention, cries of concern, and even love? (or simply use this as an excuse to justify misguided behavior?)

Poor lost puppy. I can see the situation objectively. Even if I am just as (if not more) lost than you, I can still feel good about imparting you with a few words of trite wisdom- and you in return feel cared about.

It's such a game. The compassion game. Empty ourselves onto a canvas, call it chaos, call it whatever it takes to ensure guidance from another. Always searching, struggling for that make believe pinnacle of existence and self esteem that leads us ultimately to uncaring (enlightenment).

We don't want to hear ourselves speak or think anymore. We wish there could be someone else, more slick, more intelligence, more purposeful than us in our place.

This is an illusion. Not only does this ultimate person NOT exist (without flaws, without the same wish to be someone else), but it is pointless and even detrimental to continue on this line of thought. We are really only preventing ourselves from being that ultimate person. Measuring, calculating, judging our own actions, we limit our actions. We can never be ourselves even to ourselves.

We can't reveal our true face to the mirror of self perception, at least not through this filter of what-if's and might-have-beens. We must stop, process, accept, and move on. Not just change, but GROW.

The clouds spoke to me in waves.

A secret unlocked is a secret freed.

Namaste

The God inside will carry me through.

Here & Now.
The river is everywhere at once, only the present exists.
Let thoughts flow through me

Remember and nurture your inner God.


(Accept yourself, in flux is the best time to find your stable self, the true essence that exists no matter where or what you're doing- its easiest to see when you're in a transformative period)

The Clouds' Claim

Mirrored slowly backwards,
gray ghost clouds with vapor tails.
Sideways lights blink thoughtfully.
The strong and humble oak will stand,
tendrils firm, entrenched for decades
in the soil of our ashes.
Flies the black bird, chasing the hawk
through windmills in the sky.
A curtain of liquid blue blinds the seeds,
silence the beak.
Ebony rivers of melted plastic
course through the trees like tar in my veins.
Maybe the leaking sky will spare us all.

The rain would be so beautiful here, above the wind

A corporate highrise with a view of nature

Contradictory skylines clashing in a cloud of smog

Some questions about the Bible

1. What about all of the people who lived before Christ? They had no chance for salvation- did God decide they were not good enough?

2. Why are there countless descriptive accounts of Hell, but none of Heaven? We know of the 7 layers of hell, the various methods of eternal torment, but nothing of heaven besides "merry and happy were thee."

3. How could the bible be written by Jesus' apostles when most of them are proven to have been illiterate? 10% of the ancient world around the time of Jesus could read- even less could transcribe letters- and even less could compose original thoughts and articulate those thoughts through letters. Also, the new testament was written in Greek, but many of the apostles (such as Peter) spoke Aramaic.

Races and Places

I am a Boscottish, New Yorussian, Carolinative American, Atlitalian Florijew!

aka. Bosyorkidatlacaromutt

Dreams and Ramblings

Why are things so clear in those waking, distilled moments of darkness and initial fear? Dreams speak something slow and strong to the spirit that confuses and illuminates. Those fleeting insights into a mind untidy, thoughts confused or centered, verging on the realms of absurd are what few illuminations our consciousness' dare reveal. Yet their purpose seems archaic and ineffectual, if the thoughts so readily expressed by the subconscious is obscure and misunderstood by the brain of reality.

Maybe I'm rambling, and maybe that's OK. Isn't the point to ramble on until we find where we're going? And if we didn't ramble, how would we know that where we end up isn't truly where we were meant to be?