We all want to believe that by being hard on ourselves, we will somehow become a better person. In reality, I think this synthesis is incorrect, as it is only our own self love that we can depend on. If we rush, pressure and struggle with ourselves, who will be there to comfort, reassure and stop us? No one.

If we're looking to be entirely self sufficient beings, we must be gentle with ourselves. If we are looking to not rely on the support and love of another (as we never should), we should be that support and reliance for ourselves (what we are looking so desperately for existed in us all along).

We are good at hurting ourselves, if at nothing else. But we do this in such a way that we are really only crying out for love- a savior. Someone else to answer our questions.

No such person exists. No one can answer our questions better than ourselves.

Things are funny, they make us laugh, yet they are delusions of pieces we are missing.

Do we really know how to care for ourselves? Or in such cases of solitude, do we purposely believe/make ourselves be "a mess" so that we garner attention, cries of concern, and even love? (or simply use this as an excuse to justify misguided behavior?)

Poor lost puppy. I can see the situation objectively. Even if I am just as (if not more) lost than you, I can still feel good about imparting you with a few words of trite wisdom- and you in return feel cared about.

It's such a game. The compassion game. Empty ourselves onto a canvas, call it chaos, call it whatever it takes to ensure guidance from another. Always searching, struggling for that make believe pinnacle of existence and self esteem that leads us ultimately to uncaring (enlightenment).

We don't want to hear ourselves speak or think anymore. We wish there could be someone else, more slick, more intelligence, more purposeful than us in our place.

This is an illusion. Not only does this ultimate person NOT exist (without flaws, without the same wish to be someone else), but it is pointless and even detrimental to continue on this line of thought. We are really only preventing ourselves from being that ultimate person. Measuring, calculating, judging our own actions, we limit our actions. We can never be ourselves even to ourselves.

We can't reveal our true face to the mirror of self perception, at least not through this filter of what-if's and might-have-beens. We must stop, process, accept, and move on. Not just change, but GROW.